I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
