why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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