1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
