Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
