margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
