i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
