he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I enjoy the company of your penis
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
