Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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