so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
