Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
