"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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