i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
