Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Randomize
