she looked like the before picture.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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