I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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