just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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