Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
