True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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