Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
