I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
