i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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