I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
