Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You were trust falling into bushes
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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