True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
only if we run a train.
done.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
