i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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