Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
