so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
