This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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