Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
