honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
