Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
