So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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