p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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