i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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