Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
