I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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