roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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