I am in a vortex of obligation.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
