Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I've blown a few things in my day
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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