it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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