BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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