in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
