She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
