all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
