whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
