I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
