Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
