What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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