Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
