id be glad to
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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